Prasad Karmarkar Reiki | Review By USHA Part - 6
This is
my ode for woman’s day. A day when I choose to share my journey through the
past two years.
I
invited death!!
It’s
been a battle for me from last year……..I chose to move from one space to
another……..physically and spiritually, from the materialist world to a world of
just being, to a world of surrender, to the world where I could contribute all
my talent and experience in the space of spirituality.
The
spiritual world was no longer like going to the Himalayas and being in deep
meditation, the context has changed, the perception has become different, those
in the materialistic world, deeply in the throes of relationships and
corporations envisaged to dip themselves in the sea of spirituality and cleanse
and move continuously. This is where I saw myself contributing……..
The
move was disaster…….did not work…….but the resilience and support that the
universe provided to me helped me spring back to the so-called materialistic
world but now I was armed with the experience and strength had kept me
spiritual within.
But now
I enjoyed the world that I earlier came from with a renewed visual appeal. Many
feelings like those of restlessness, agitation, anger, desperation …….were
mostly gone……..I did not feel them so much actively. I have become more
tolerant, loving, forgiving and calm.
This
was at an internal level.
But at
a physical level, there was so much turmoil; the body was reacting violently to
all that had happened in my life.
I was
in and out of hospital like going into my bedroom. This year saw me at the
hospital nearly 8 times……..
The
problems were never-ending linking from one to another if one part was taken care
of the other screamed, and then another and so on…..
I
encountered problems that made me study anatomy I was looking up books and the
web on how the intestines functioned, looked, what could happen to them, was
the stomach singing a song of joy or anguish…… I wondered how god had created
all this, so per functionary, yet amazingly fantastic.
then on
Christmas Day, I crashed at my dearest friend Kanchana’s house, I had to be
hospitalized, my docs were in a panic, I was moved into surgery the next
evening, at 4.30 pm to be precise…….
“She is
on the brink” anything can happen said the doctor to my one and only family
member my maasi (aunty).
My
friends and my aunty were completely shocked and prayed for me……..
I
managed to survive…….the docs put in their 200%, but in a manner that hit me
psychologically.
My
intestine would be placed in a bag under my skin and only my small intestines
would do the work of digestion, what on earth was this? I had never heard of
anything like that before. 6 days and out of the ICU I was had a counseling
session by a psychiatrist, who held my hand and took me through all my bouts of
depression, sadness, the why me syndrome, crying and sobbing unstoppably.
All
this was prevalent for a month or so….and then one day while I was lying on my
bed I remembered, had I not been saying all the time ‘now I am ready to die,
anytime, I have nothing left to do’. Here it was, this experience was to teach
me a lesson, life is a gift of God and we must respect it, cherish it, enjoy
it, savor everything in it. I got the message loud and clear……..
NEVER
WILL I SAY THIS…..I WILL LIVE AS LONG AS I AM MEANT TO BE.
More on
how I managed this whole colostomy and learned to live with it…………..soon
The
colostomy story:
Like
they say life must go on, I had to accept the situation and live. Live not a
morose and sad life but thank god for giving this life back to me and be a
happy and evolved person.
I set a
target for myself self I had to get back to work, accept this physical
condition and cope with it.
I had
all the support I needed, all my reiki friends and group were constantly
supporting me, my reiki master Prasad Karmarkar Reiki was is and will be forever the strongest
support of my life. He has taken me through all this so smoothly, I couldn’t
have done it without him and the entire reiki group.
oh, my
dearest friend abhijit…….he stood by me too.
And can
I ever forget the rock-like support from Kanchana my soul mate and RK, my
ex-husband?
Every
friend of mine Suma/Mangala/Narsimhan/Jaya/Vani/Aru all of them were there for
me, while one would send me juice the other would send me food, someone sent me
books to read, they all came by in turns and sat with me at the hospital and
home.
Of
course my messiahs Dr. Anindita and Dr. Chandan.
All
these people were my messengers of god.
Love
you all
While
support from my contacts was huge, the company I worked for stepped in and
amply took care of me financially and mentally. Ravi gave me the support of a
job that waited for me. Starcom held my hand constantly. My respects to you
guys.
All
this happened in Jan and Feb. 08. I had decided I will start working in
march…….my docs asked me if I would be able to, I had not even stepped out of
my house as yet, I will do that soon …..
Within
a week I went down in my apartment garden for short walks, was a tough cookie
to crack. It felt like the whole world was going round and I felt giddy. My
aunt helped me and both of us walked like little kids who had just learned to
walk
March
1st was a Saturday, I had to start work on Monday…….my wounds had not healed
completely, my whole abdomen was full of plasters and dressing, how could I go
to office, what if the dressing gave trouble, what if the intestinal bag gave
trouble, how would I manage all this, what should I wear? I could not wear the
clothes I used earlier; I needed something loose on the abdomen. Oh god! I did
not think about this one at all…….
Quick
Usha comes on be creative and think of some options, I just hopped into the car
and went to Fab India, picked up some fabulous, bright-colored gera skirts,
some nice tops and there I was all set to go to the office.
The
plasters and dressing and bag and all of that will behave, I requested for
reiki from everyone.
I spoke
to Kanchana on Sunday and asked her if I should postpone my joining to a week
later, she was furious, NO u must go tomorrow to work, even if it is for a
couple of hours. Fine I will go I decided.
MARCH 3
– 8.30 AM I left home in the comforts of my Honda city. I was fully equipped, a
kit bag full of cotton, plasters, tapes, Neutrogena hand wash, and so many
things…….food that I could digest easily……biscuits/dry fruits/apple/ I was not
only equipped I was virtually armed.
Guys I
MADE IT………..I HUNG ON TILL 4 PM.
Everything
behaved and I was fine.
I
started working full time from Wednesday the same week!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved
my self and everyone around me…….I loved Starcom……I loved Prasad Karmarkar Reiki……………I just
love!
The
Journey from here on…………………..will follow
continuation
to my personal experience blogs, I am right now in a waiting phase, my reverse
surgery has to happen, it was supposed to be done in June, my dear Dr. Chandan
felt it would be better and easier for him and me if I took a precautionary
dose of Lupron that basically dries up or reduces the size of the uterus and
adhesions (growths) , then it will be easier for them to remove them and
reverse the colostomy…….oh wow I am actually becoming quite a knowledgeable
person on all this. The net is a boon to mankind, there is so much info,
educative but sometimes can psyche a person with the kind of info and
experiences that are vividly and very lucidly written.
Nevertheless……instead
of psyching u out the simple message is I had to take this injection and wait
for 2 months before I went on the surgery table. So I am in waiting…………………….
But in
this time when I can’t shop for saris, stitch new salwars and kurtas or even
spend long hours on the weekend at the beauty parlor/spa, which I used to enjoy
so very much, I have to equip myself and yet be happy ……………..what to do?
Well,
Books, TV, computers, walks and bit of gym, cooking, housekeeping, etc kept me equipped
also kept my mood swings and depressions (due to the medication) in check and
control.
But you
know what two things that I am enjoying a great deal are: MOVIES AT MULTIPLEXES
AND BLOGGING.
I am at
the multiplex every weekend and watching the wonderful releases every week,
sarkar raj, Jodha Akbar, Aamir, Jaane Tu, kismet connection……… it's simply
fantastic. lots of popcorn and chats and of course new stars and great acting /
fantastic music all of this is making my heart so full of joy.
Blogging
ka toh main kya kahoon, it feels so great to put down one's thoughts, whether
it's about something at home/office/friends/relatives/or in one's own heart. I
have been getting encouraging comments and views from a lot of my friends. like
my super boss, Ravikiran said…some write for others to read and some write for
themselves you choose……I am writing because it's making me happy, helping me
spend my time so creatively, who knows sometime later this might just be very
interesting reading for my self, glancing through what I felt at different
times.
oh god,
another dude who makes me feel so happy is Salman khan with his 10 ka
dum……..the program is rocking, nothing intellectual or mind racking, it's just
like some commonsense or gut feel kind of content, and the way sallu interacts
with the contestants and the audience is worth commending. Rock on Sallu……aaj
ke liye jab main bahut depressed ho Sakti thi aap ne bachaliya….
What
would i have done without Hrithik and ash’s pristine romance , Rahman's
soul-stirring Khwaja mere Khwaja, govarikars fantastic expansive visuals,
imraans cute looks and so very Rajput like mannerisms, Sr and jr AB’s raj,
Rajeev Khandelwal's histrionics in Aamir (I was so worried he was going off tv,
thank god he is on the larger screen) shahid’s superb dancing and acting
connecting with my joy ……..
This is
some kismat connection………………..wonderful hai na…..
Reminds
me of Bhansali's famous pic khamoshi’s song: Aaj main upar, aasmaan neeche, Aaj
main aage (zamana) Mera dukh or depression ha peeche…………………!!!!!!!
Be
happy guys till next time:)
Will
I be free?
The
week bygone has been a week full of apprehension and tension, as days are
passing I am getting so very impatient and intolerant of my physical status, I
am waiting for the surgery to take place and be done with it once and for all.
Post-December
the surgery was supposed to be done 6 months later, I was eagerly waiting in
June, these six months have been very tough and difficult not only physically
but challenging mentally and psychologically too. When I met Dr. Chandan in
June he discussed with me several issues that could go wrong and right for this
surgery. He suggested I take a precautionary dose of pride which would shrink
the size of the uterus thereby making it easy for them to remove it and reverse
the colostomy. I was so disappointed but certainly, I have to cooperate with
the doctors to make it easy for them and reduce the chances of things going
wrong. On June 15 I was administered a super-strong dose of fluoride, which
also has some side effects as per info on the net, I had to go through this,
and I knew I would.
So, the
wait continues……………..two more months to go, hopefully, the pride would do its
job inside and the uterus size would be reducing, the adhesions would also be
shrinking, I continued going to the office.
Work
suddenly became exciting and lots of it happened, I started working on very
cute brand Kinder Joy a kids chocolate brand, Tictac a youth brand, Peroni an
Italian beer brand…………wow all international brands I loved it.
It’s
the end of July, I am counting days it's over a month and a half, august 15 it
will be exactly two months, my doctor had asked me to meet him at the end of
July. I called Dr. Chandan and reminded him, he asked me if I was counting each
day I told him I am counting every hour and minute too. I met him on June 30 we
had a long discussion, two and a half months he said, I told him my patience
was hitting rock bottom. let's meet in the first week of August and
we will decide what to do.
noooooooooooooooooo,
not what to do, we will decide the date I pleaded. lets
see. doc is so firm always. Nevertheless, I asked RK for good days
astrologically to suit my horoscope or star, etc. Rk was leaving for the US of
A for a month to conduct some fantastic havans for Sringeri Matt. just before
he left he said 25/26 aug are good days. there it goes, my mind was all set, I
knew it must happen on those days.
On the
4th of Aug Monday morning, I SMS doctor Chandan, u said the first week of Aug
when are we meeting? he laughed, maybe Friday he replied. ok so I connect on
Thursday, I sent him an SMS.
On
Thursday 7th Aug, I SMS him – can I come at 10.30 am tom? a very terse reply
came back – YES, ok it's going good Usha.
On
Thursday evening when I came home from office, I was so restless, tense I did
not know what I should do, I was going around the house and kitchen pottering
around, I could not even watch tv, I kept telling my self all will be fine,
don’t get tense, common Usha just chill, finally I took my meal in hand and
with Akshay and his khatron ke Khiladi girls I settled to watch some tv.
The
program is so exciting I go engrossed in the stunts and time passed. I sent
reiki requests to all my family in mum and Prasad Karmarkar Reiki, give the strength to hold my
self.
Finally,
the morn came, I got ready and headed to the hospital, I reached so early, half
an hour to go I took Eckhart Tolle's the new earth and read some wonderful zen
stories and the pages I read gave me the power to stay calm.
The
doctor arrived, I went into the consulting room, how have u been? fine but very
tense doctor……………
fine so
u get admitted on the 22 and we do the surgery on 25 or 26th, since u have done
all the test recently u just do some routine blood tests, we will need 4 pints
of blood, so get your friends or some donors in place, we will have to prepare
you for the surgery, do some steam inhalations, blow a balloon say 100 times a
day or breathing exercise to keep your lungs in action…………………………….
Was I
dreaming? No, it's real, it's on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy, that I felt
I was flying.
all
instructions done, the downsides things that can go wrong 5% chances all heard,
so we meet again next week either 12 or 13 for more he said and stood up to
leave.
Tears
rolling down my cheek, but a smile broke on my quivering lips………………
Dear
God,
Give me
the strength to hold on, sustain the onslaught of allopathy, heal the slicing
of the knife, shower flowers and sparks of healing on me and my heart and
soul…………..
Send
the angels to guard me, mother me, hold my hand through this experience, and
see me shining healthy and back to normal.
Request
to all my friends to be with me and hold my hand support me and send me lots of
love.
I will
do my next post before I get admitted to the hospital……………………
Cheers
15
days more to go…..
The
week that went past had kept me on tenterhooks, I am now in full zoom……..happy
and gung-ho…..my surgery date is fixed for Aug 25 at 7.30 am precise, am all in
preparation. I am blowing balloons so that my lungs get in better shape…..steam
inhalations for all the tracts to be clear of any congestions, walking so my
legs are not swollen and fit, eating only chapatis and subzi to keep my tummy
in condition and light, all this cool for physical preparedness, but most
importantly I am very very well prepared mentally, the secret is the :
My dear
friend vaidy reminded me that I had not encountered the secret and told me to
buy the book immediately.
What’s
more, I went to crossword and bought the book pronto………
I began
reading the secret that has engulfed me and my life…..stunning book, am just
reeling in the effects of the secrets.
It's
just toooooo fantastic.
I have
already visualized myself walking out of the hospital all fine and happening.
I am
feeling so energetic and upbeat it’s not funny. I spoke to Prasad Karmarkar Reiki this morning,
I have been trying to reach him for so many days, this morning has been superb,
and all is under control.
I have
told all my friends about the date and time, they will surely turn up, RK
(ex-husband) day and nights I will manage with the nurses, friends will drop in
and out, Kanchana will take charge of the money and bills……
GOD
TUSSI GREAT HO
My
request to the universe:
Please
support me, hold my hand and sail me through this sea painlessly, comfortably
and with joy.
My request
to all my friends:
Please,
pray to the power and almighty for me.
Triyambakam
yajamahe, sugandhim pushtivardanam, urvarukham iva bandhanad, mrityormukshiya
mamrutat.
The
week went by so fast and quick, I tried to complete all the jobs on my plate to
the best of my ability. Last Thursday was so very hectic and full of tension,
while I was busy with work, doc calls to postpone the date, again? I did not
know how to react, he said the OT at the hospital would be closed for annual
maintenance!!!!!! could not have been more accurate timing, anyways we spoke
for Tuesday 26, I immediately called all my friends and reiki family and told
them its not 25 but 26th same time same place.
the day
went on and by 3 pm doc called me again, Usha can we do it on Wed 27, u know I
want to play safe with the equipment and smells and fumigation, etc. or u could
check with pandit Ji for a fresh date or else wed 27 is fine for the surgeons
etc. ok I will revert I said. called RK and checked 27 is a Wed and is fine for
u he said, u know I was not too keen on mon25 7.30 am its Rahu kalam, he
said!!!!!and Tues also was not too great for u, but then if the docs want that
what can we do, so I said its fine but wed is much better and suits u fine he
said. Zindabad – see god does all for our good, I called the doc and confirmed
the date, 27wed 7.30 am at st Philomena's, d ward (the room is booked). I drew
the money and handed it over to Kanchana who is in charge of my hospitalization
and bills.
So here
is the team:
Docs:
Dr. Chandan Juneja / Dr. Shridhar pandit / Dr. Suhasini gyanaec / Dr. Anindita
my physician
Friends
who will take care: Kanchana / RK / Shekhar (my brother) / Suma
Who
will donate blood for me: Shivamurthy our IT person at office/babu ( our office
security person who was so keen to give me blood as his group is also B+) /
Bharath is my colleague Swarnalatas friend / and Shekhar.
Everything
is set, reiki requests flying all over, support is pouring in from everyone, so
many prayers, wishes, and love I am so very overwhelmed.
Thanks,
universe, thank you, god, thank you to every human being who is part of my life
in any which way.
Love u
all
I will
be admitted on Monday at the hospital, tomorrow will be a Sunday at home and I
will key in my blog before I go into surgery.
Ciao
I
am healed…………….. :)
September
9, 2008, by Ushark | Edit
To
continue the saga…………..hahahaha, I got admitted in the hospital st.philomenas,
one of Bangalore's oldest hospitals, opps the Amitabh Bachchan fame too. Monday
was full of tests, ECG, echo, blood tests, hemoglobin, CTBT, etc. Tuesday
dawned with a liquid diet as a preparation for the surgery.
The d
day is wed morning aug 27 at 7.30 am
The
surgery is scheduled as follows:
1
urologist to fit in some stents
2.
Gynac to remove the uterus and ovaries
3. Gastro
surgeons to remove hernia – the new and latest entrant in the body
4. Gastro
surgeons to mobilize and reverse the large intestine.
5. They
will then join the cut ends of the intestine
6. Clean
up and close the wound.
……………..more
to follow
Am
Home and recovering:
Hey,
it's almost a month since I wrote anything; Oct has been unique and truly
inspiring for me.I appreciate everything that I have got and every moment I
live. Life is blooming like a flower in full bloom.
My
first travel to Goa:
October
is that month of the year I wait for very eagerly, we have the reiki intensive
transformation workshop at GOA. I was very excited and was looking forward to
going to goa, not only would I meet my guru Prasad Karmarkar Reiki but would meet nearly 80+
people of my reiki family and over 40+ new members who will enter this
beautiful ring of light and become part of ‘the family’.
This
year the intensive was truly magical, I was barely out of my surgery but
participated 100% in all the exercises and meditations. We had a wonderful
surprise – Karnamrita Dasi – one of the dream singers of bhajans and kirtans
came to be part of our workshop along with our dearest devotional singer
Sundaram. both of them made our workshop truly spiritual and magical.
The
magical voices – Karnamrita Dasi and Sundaram
I came
back to Bangalore fully recharged, calm, feeling very introspective and
thinking of all the wonderful things that happened there.
Work is
on………clients send messages of praise….once in a way:)
Diwali
is here, its gonna be a time with friends and family……….
On
8 March 2010:
Its
woman’s day, the day reminds me of the resilience of my rising like the phoenix
of my being the woman with a strong resolve. A line that sums it up for me
is: JAB FAASLO SE ZYAADA HO HAUSA BULUND, TOH MANZIL KI OOOR BADH
CHALE KADAM.(a brand descriptor line of the brands I work on, but just works
for everyone)
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